Who am I?

Wondering who I've become and how I got his way. A post from a former/still? goth girl.


I see a lot of YouTube videos and posts on other blogs about what "goth" really is and what everyone's opinion is on it and everyone seems to have one! To begin with I grew up in a little town in Iowa and if you dressed differently there you were labeled as goth. Looking back now I realize I actually had more of a "metal head" vibe going. I am in my 20's and just now learning what goth really is. It seems to mostly be about the music you listen to and the movies you watch, those sorts of things. 
Right around the time I turned 20 I started to shy away from my black clothes and become more well colorful I suppose. I think the main reason was because I had begun to gain weight and to this day I have a really hard time finding plus sized "alternative clothing". Once I had gotten to Colorado I started working at an Old Navy and started buying their clothes instead. My reasons were three fold: 1. They fit me, well. 2. I had a discount and 3. You needed yo look the part to work there. This brings us to the present where I am no longer working at Old Navy but still have and buy a lot of their clothes. The other day my mom and I were going through my clothes trying to make outfits and decided what else I needed after a visit with my husbands family and realizing I didn't have much clothes. 
This brought me to looking at a lot of clothes online and I began to question what I was looking at. I realized how much I missed my old "alternative" style and also why I had stopped dressing that way. It got me thinking a lot about the person I am now and how many different sides of me there really are. Am I still a "goth" or a "metal head" if I don't dress like one? I still listen to the music and attend the concerts. Am I the dreaded poser now or have I just grown up?
These are questions I've been reflecting on a lot these past weeks. I may be well into my 20's but I have in no way figured things out yet. I feel like I lost myself for awhile and need to learn who I am again. I don't like labels but it seems impossible to meet other people or describe yourself without using them. 
Do you label yourself? Do you think a person can have a persona without dressing in the expected way?
(Photo: Myself at 18/19 circa 2006 taken by a friend at Aspen Grove Cemetery in Iowa)

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